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Saturday, August 25, 2007

Trying

You ever want something so bad that it hurts? And you ache so painfully over the fact that it's just beyond your reach? That's how it feels. That's how this feels. Knowing what I see in my head, and what I feel in my heart, knowing that I need to set it free. To bring that vision to fruition. To finally create the way you know you were born to. But you can't right now. Because all you have is you and nothing else.

It's been a rough week. It's just been bad all over. But at least I'm back to understanding where I stand creatively. The old adage still applies. No one can help you but you. Not saying I have no help at all. I've got plenty of support from many different people. This has definitely been proven with the recent Our Stage contest. But as far as moviemaking is concerned right now and where I'm at, until I have the full budget to do what I know I can do, I have to settle for going it alone and doing what I can with very little. Sort of fitting for one spartan.

Also it really doesn't help that both Juli and I have been thinking about her mom and about the events of last year around this time and in the coming months. We've gotta keep our minds off of it somehow. Try to think about the positive things. Try to remember the good memories. It's so easy to plunge into that darkness again.

I was going to write about it, but I can't. I have to stay up towards the light. For mine and Juli's sake. I need to make something truely great happen. I need to create something incredible, fun, inspiring, and joyous. A movie, a memory. Something amazing.

Please God help me make something great happen.


A very special thanks to the Our Stage team. I received my prize package from them the other day for making #1 in the Trailers category for July. I got a $100.00 American Express Gift Card, and an Our Stage T-Shirt, and a DVD copy of Four Eyed Monsters, which I've been wanting. So thank you so much to Our Stage. Got some other nifty little perks with it as well.

Hopefully this month we can make #1 again. Looks like our best shot is in the comedy category.

Monster Cops: The Midnight Special TRAILER, by onespartan on OurStage

They've done away with Text Voting, as I think I may have mentioned before. This time around it's all about judging the best videos online. Hopefully that's us. But I must say, there are some very good entries on there.

Juli and I had a nice little dinner to celebrate the prizes I had won. She was so proud of me that it made her tear up. I told her it wasn't like I had won the grand prize, but she was proud of me anyways. Proud that I was able to make something and that it's been able to achieve something. It was a good night. And I'm just so happy that she could tear up over something good happening instead of something horrible.

So now it's like my movie making has two goals. One because I have these amazing stories inside my head and heart just dying to get out, and two because if I can make something amazing and something that can do well, it will help Juli see the light beyond the darkness. I like making her proud and I'm so very anxious to show her and the world what else I'm capable of. And I'm so very ready to do that.

Started work on the many other Video Projects and just found out about a few other opportunities I'd like to take a shot at. So much work to be done. At the same time still putting together all the details of the feature I'm going to do. Looks like I'll be working on that in the spring, alone and with no money, unless a miracle occurs. So pretty much the norm, lol.

Gotta get to work on more Expotv vids. Here's another one just recently added to my Expotv account. NIGHT OF THE COMET on DVD.



As you can see this freeze frame isn't as bad as the previous ones. Sadly I was hoping for a trend here. I could've sold myself as the awkward looking Filipino Indie Vidmaker.

Well let's hope we can do well in the Quarter Finals. Right now it's just about staying in the Top Ten til Wednesday. Then it's about going for #1. Damn. I'm getting too caught up in this competition. I've gotta focus on other things. Don't put all your creative eggs in one basket.

Ok, back to figuring out how to make something amazing with no money, cast, or crew, as per usual.

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