Today's theme boys and girls. Inner City Blues by the late great Marvin Gaye.
Sometimes you feel like burning it all to the ground. Taking it all down. Getting rid of all you've worked on and start fresh. Because right now it looks like everything I've created just isn't that impressive to me. It's a horrible example of what I'm capable. Yet I can't seem to get to the greatness unless I do something to inspire people to help me get to that greatness. It's a vicious fucking circle.
Yes, I'm set to emo, down and out mode. I get this way when it looks like I have to place my future in other people's hands. It's not looking good. It never does. It only seems to workout when I rely on myself, and myself right now doesn't have the funding.
I'm more than halfway through editing this next Monster Cops episode. And I think it's neat. A few inches closer to resembling what I think Monster Cops is in terms of a good episode. We've got the monsters, the comedy, the conspiracy, and a nice little ending. But right now, it's just not enough for me. It's an alright episode.
Man I am so ready to make something that is more than alright. More than ok. More than just nice.
Jesus, this is getting old. How many more times am I going to blog about trying to make something amazing.
I'm just venting. Truth is I got a bit gung-ho about trying to get funding for Monster Cops. Thought for a second I could make a run for it, produce a bunch of episodes and make a DVD this year. But it looks like Monster Cops will stay right where it is. A side project that I'll be working on from time to time, til I die.
So I continue on with my list, clean the house, wash the car, get the CREEP website nice and shiny and as impressive as I can, and get that bad boy running in the next few weeks.
I'll see what else I can do for Monster Cops, but I really just need to quit asking for other people's help, go get me 3 jobs and raise the money myself. I've done it before. Course it's a little harder now, because I have a wife I'd like to see occasionally.
Perhaps I'll get the funding I need for Creep through some generous folks on the interwebs. A few of them have already messaged me to say that they will, and a few of you already have. Thanks for having faith in me guys. I've got to get that website as good as it can, before I spread the word on it.
Hang ups, let downs
Bad breaks, set backs
Natural fact is
I can't pay my taxes
Oh, make me wanna holler
And throw up both my hands
Yea, it makes me wanna holler
And throw up both my hands
- Marvin Gaye
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
“As you think, so shall you become.”
- Bruce Lee
In the movie that is your life. Are you the victim? Are you the supporting actor in the background? Are you even starring in your own life?
Or are you the bad ass motherfucker that runs the show?
I watched a screener copy of an indie horror flick called Evil Things, directed by Dominic Perez.
You can read my full review here.
I liked it alot. It was scary. And it really made me think what I would do in alot of the situations the characters found themselves in. What would you do if you were being stalked by a madman? Would you stand by and let him terrorize you? Or would you take a good long look at your life, and realize how precious and wonderful it is, and worth fighting for. Maybe then instead of screaming bloody murder, you would have the fortitude to stand your ground and fight back with force and clarity.
Of course I'm not really thinking about a literal madman. As always I'm thinking about moviemaking, the stumbling blocks along the way, and my madman that continues to stalk me. Myself. I am my own terrorizer, my own stumbling block, the only one that prevents me from reaching the next level.
And what is this next level? There are two things I am concerned with right now. To make my cinematic masterpiece feature film, CREEP. And to make MONSTER COPS into what it is meant to be, a full fledged online series, DVD compilation, and known brand reaching the audience it was meant to.
Creep I'm confident I can raise the money for. I'm still working on the site to do some crowdfunding and we've already begun rehearsals as I do re-writes. I'm going to make that movie this year, period.
Monster Cops, I've decided to hit it hard. I also need funding for it. Serious funding, to really be able to turn it into what I know it can be. Produce several more episodes, have national screenings in several venues, and have a DVD and merchandise ready to sell before October of this year. The stories and vision I have for Monster Cops needs to be told, and it deserves to be marketed properly to the audience that wants and needs to see it. I know I've said it before, but I need restate what Monster Cops is. It's comedy and horror for sure. But more so, it's episodic cinematic story telling hidden inside a goofy comic horror web series. The one episode I've produced and the few minisodes I've put up, barely display the full depth, empathy, pathos, and thrill I wish to convey with Monster Cops.
I've got the one episode up, one more on the way, and I need the resources and funding to produce 5 more episodes making it a total of 7 complete 20 minute episodes. Many of them will be available online to watch, but all will be available for purchase on DVD, and many of them will be screened in different venues through the nation. With the right marketing I know I could turn it into something really special. That combined with the solid story telling and hidden inspiration behind all the monsters, action, and comedy, I think this could really be the series and brand that I envisioned so many years ago.
I'm tired of settling for this so called reality. I'm ready to create with all my heart and produce the right livelihood I deserve. I've been holding back and I just don't have the strength to hold back anymore. It's time for me to let loose and hit this as hard as I can, and really bring out the creativity and effort to bring the visions in my heart to life.
Because in the movie of my life, I am not the victim. I am the badass motherfuckin hero in this bitch, and I have the force and clarity to pursue my passions and achieve my goals.
So in your own life, in your own movie, are you the victim?
“As long as I can remember I feel I have had this great creative and spiritual force within me that is greater than faith, greater than ambition, greater than confidence, greater than determination, greater than vision. It is all these combined. My brain becomes magnetized with this dominating force which I hold in my hand.”
- Bruce Lee