I didn't even really realize it, but I had been knocked on my ass. I knew we all suffered an emotional blow. After my mother in law passed away, I knew it knocked the wind out of everyone. I knew it would affect me, but I didn't realize how much it would affect me. I was trying to put my own feelings aside so I could be a rock for my wife and her family. And in doing that it only prolonged the pain. I felt close to her too after all. I was right there watching her slowly fade away day after day, right up until the cancer finally decided to take her completely. My heart broke watching my wife's agony in losing her mother. The helplessness of not being able to do anything, and then the punishing regret of feeling like you didn't do enough. Then the focus becomes in worrying about my wife. Knowing the best thing I could ever do for her was just be there. Trying to hide my own feelings to keep my strength in holding her up. It took some time for me to let out how I was feeling, to deal with it, and to really take a good look at it. I've never watched someone close to me die before.
That was a little over two months ago. And now it's a New Year.
Through the holidays there's been some rough road, but nothing that couldn't be handled. Some scares, some emotional turmoil, some doubts about the past, and worries about the future. But that's what comes with being married, dealing with a recent death, and trying to get back to aiming high at those goals. 5 Days in to the New Year and I've gotten so much done. Of course the over achiever in me isn't quite satisfied with that, but I've still got time before the first week of the year is done with. Just wanna be able to get a head start on what needs to be done, and a good start on everything else.
And now that I have clearer eyes, and a stronger focus I see that there is so much that needs to be done. So much I need to catch up on. And little tiny bit more I need to rethink.
What sucks about me having a blog is that often I subscribe to the idea that if I speak of something it won't happen. It's the birthday wish syndrome. Ya know, you blow out all the candles and make a wish, but if you tell anyone the wish it won't come true. And because of this I have to find a creative way to describe what's going on without really giving it away. So pardon me if I ever get cryptic and confusing, but these are things I need to make note of, even if it makes no sense to you.
Cryptic Note #1:
The Ultimate Origami. Perhaps it's because I'm just dying to take my fascination with paper art and engineering too far. In the coming months you will see me create something insanely huge and complex out of paper. Perhaps a giant pop-up book. Maybe even a giant paper crane the size of a car. Whatever it is, it's actually necessary for an upcoming production. And it may not all be paper, but the base of it, the heart, the structure will most definitely lie in paper engineering.
Cryptic Note #2:
The machine. Some of you know what the machine is. Some of you may even have been interviewed about the machine. Originally the machine was going to debut on Halloween, but now it seems it's going to be modified to be more of a year round machine, and will make it's debut online hopefully before March. Once again for another production for a very necessary and very curious experiment.
Cryptic Note #3:
Merchants in the Nineteenth Century would build grand sailing ships, hire a crew, secure provisions, and send these ships out to the East Indies and other foreign ports to trade for goods, jewels, gold, etc. There was no communication to these ships once they set out to sail, and often these ships would take months, even years to return with the Merchants' profit. So the return of one of these ships after a long journey was always call for excitement. This is where the expression "Your ship has come in" comes from. Someone would run to the Merchants yelling this as the ship actually did come in. The key to steady business and profit was to send out more than one ship. The more ships you send out, the more chance for profit you have as they return.
I've got more than one ship out. ;)
Ok, ok, enough of that. No more Cryptic Notes.
Sent some packages out today. More DVD screeners out to two fests and two reviewers. But as always, you send em out and then forget about them. Maybe check up on em in a few weeks, but for the most part, let the screener do the work for ya.
The possibility of a North Carolina screening is pending, but I'm not really worried about that right now.
Some people will soon be getting a the official bootleg copy of THE MIDINIGHT SPECIAL, which includes a whole other disc of extras, including the gag reel.
Found the basic location for the ZOMBIE Episode of Monster Cops. Of course what I was aiming for was 5 minutes, but it may be more like 10. Just depends. I've been going back and forth on working on the Untitled Detective Short and the Monster Cops Episode, and now it looks like Monster Cops may be it for the next few months.
Ok, time for some sleep, so I can attempt to be up the same time the sun is. Ignore the following. It's only a test.