Gravitas

I feel like I've barely got time to breath today. Got some video projects that need to be finished asap. A demo reel for a very good actor as well as much testing for AE and tweaking of scenes for my own work. I've got enough script work to do as well. Gotta revamp a business plan, redo the numbers, prep for fundraising. And there's still alot of prep work that needs to be done before I can get back to shooting Dead By Dawn, and at the same time, I really need to get the majority of it done by the end of next week.

No worries though. I'll get my second wind here in a bit. Right now I'm in a bit of a somber mood. Partly because I feel bad for not posting about two celebrities that passed away. Don Lafontaine and Jerry Reed. If you don't know who either are, google em. They were both very important in there own right, and both people who were a part of my development as a cinephile. Jerry Reed will always be the "Snowman", and Don Lafontaine will always be the "Voice". They will be greatly missed.

The other reason for my mood is I'm a little touched by the response, the feedback, and the general comments I've been getting from the Monster Cops vids I've posted recently. Definitely some great comments from the Project Breakout posting, as well as the number of people who've told me they've been voting for Monster Cops. Reassures me I'm on the right track and that Monster Cops has a potential audience. It's been nice to receive such warmth.

Another reason for my mood is because I miss my family.

I miss my friends. And I miss Texas. I miss Dallas. I miss Fort Worth. I miss Grand Prairie. I miss I-20. I miss The Ball Park in Arlington. I miss Gameworks. I really miss Taco Cabana. I miss Po' Melvins. I can't believe I actually miss 360. Although I'm sure once I return and get caught in rush hour traffic by Six Flags that I will no longer miss it. I miss the West End. I miss the Stockyards. I miss watching the sun go down over Joe Pool. I miss it all so much sometimes it's easier not to talk to anyone from back home. Sometimes it's less painful to respond a little slower to emails from friends and family. I feel horrible for it.

I've been very far away from Texas. Been to Europe, been to Asia, often times for extended periods. I've been far, but this is the longest I've been away.

Throw all that in with everything that's been on my mind, and it's put in me in this mood. This .... place.

I'm just very contemplative right now. Alot to think about, and even so much more action to commit to once the thoughts have settled. I don't want to sleep. I just want to work. I just want to write, plan, shoot, edit, organize, create, prepare, etc.

I'm trying to make this transition from one place in my life to another. There's timing involved, and if I don't time it out right, and I make the jump too soon or too late, then I'll crash and burn. I know, the crash and burn is just an illusion. But you gotta know how to use your illusions to your advantage.

Ok, I'm up entirely too late. I still have alot of work to do in the morning, and in the next few weeks and months. I have some serious planning to do, some changes to make, some videos to finish and even to start. I really should be asleep. But again, I don't want to. Ok, I kinda want to. This blog post has taken me about 3 hours to write, since I am attempting to multi task.

Oh my God, I don't wanna feel like this anymore.

I still haven't found what I'm looking for. I realize that it's not so much what I'm looking for, it's really about what I'm trying to express.

There is this certain sense of gravitas I wish to express. Gravitas, man that's a hell of a word. But it fits. What I'm trying to say, what I'm trying to bring out for all the world to see and feel, it has depth, it has weight, and it's substantial.

What? Gravitas expressed in a cheesy, B-movie, horror, comedy, about Cops that kill Monsters? Impossible you say. No, nothing is impossible. Not anymore. It's amazing where you can find that sort of depth and passion and inspiration. And if you could only find a way to see it not only in the little everyday things, but also in those things that annoy you or upset you, then your just that much closer to mastery.

It's official, I'm delirious. Time for bed, before I have to get up in a few hours and make some phone calls.

But once again, Sports Night is on my mind.