111th

His name was Abdul Baser Wasiqui. He was the only runner representing Afghanistan in Atlanta at the 1996 Olympics. His hamstring was injured before the race, but he ran anyway.

At the time, I was working on my first feature film. Vampire Killer.  I distinctly remember watching TV that day when the cameras caught a glimpse of this one lone man trying to finish a race that had  long ended for everyone else.

Soon everyone would take notice of the man who was about to finish dead last at 111th place. I watched as Abdul headed towards the finish line, at the stadium where workmen were already clearing out the area for the next events.  They noticed Abdul and quickly made a make shift finish line for him with some masking tape.  Everyone, including myself were in awe of him as he crossed the line and broke through the tape.

Bob Costas stated correctly, observing that although Abdul was finishing dead last, his determination to finish the race was the very essence of the spirit of the Olympic games. I was impressed by that. I identified with Abdul Baser Wasiqi. I was running my own marathon. Trying to finish my first feature film. Trying to reach my own cinematic finish line.

I was working at a video editing place at the time. I took my VHS copy of Abdul Baser Wasiqi I had recorded (yes I'm kind of an Olympics fan/nerd). We had a video deck that could print out pictures of a freeze frame from a video tape. I printed one out of Wasiqi crossing the finish line.  This image would always help me to remember that crossing your finish line, no matter what kind of a race you're running, it is possible.

And I think of him now. I think of the pain he endured. His struggle. The only man representing his country. Not the first to cross the finish line, but a winner nonetheless. Where so many others would have just given up, and probably did give up, he finished.  He finished.

I'm going through a bit of my own struggle right now. Trying to reach my finish line. It's hard. Yes, I've been through more difficult times, but it's still hard. Trying to get what's in your head out into reality.

I need to remember this. Remember this pain. Remember how it's all my own doing. Any trouble here is only my fault. And any success will be because of some very hard work. There are somethings going on right now, and it's up to me whether or not they're good or bad, or maybe even bad or AMAZING.  I'm working towards amazing.

Remember this pain. Remember that as hard as you work there is a part of this that is not up to you.  All you can do is your very best, and as much of it as you can.

If Abdul Baser Wasiqi can cross that finish line, so can we all.

I need to envision the greatest most amazingly brilliant out come possible, and make it happen.


Ok, this is going to sound crazy, but in the midsts of writing this blog, God just talked to me. He said only two words.

No blocking.



Ok, so the last part of this blog won't make any sense to anyone, but damn, everything just fell into place just now.

To Reach The Future You Have To Let Go Of The Past

Lord knows I've done that, and such advice has been helpful, but now I find myself coming round full circle. It's the past that has reinspired me. In working on preproduction for this current feature I find myself stuck. Not exactly writer's block, just having the basic essence of the idea of the movie slip away a bit, usually due to, ya know, life.

But I find myself going through old VHS tapes I forgot I had. One of them a tape from my very very first feature, VAMPIRE KILLER, aka Dark Angel: Vampire Killer. It actually had a few other titles but I won't go into that. This tape had rehearsal footage, screen tests, and test shots. What really got me excited was watching how some of us including myself were so into rehearsing. Specifically me and two other people, Billy and the star of the movie Bree, were working on the choreography of a fight scene that never actually made into the final film.

So inspired at the time, so passionate, it all came rushing back to me. The way some of us worked, how dedicated and just how frickin into it we were. Running test shots while going over kicks and punches. Billy really had some solid acrobatic skill which really paid off in some of these fight scenes and Bree being a dancer really added alot of flow to the fight. And I was coming up with some great stuff including this gag with a broken tennis racket that I'm definitely going to put into this current movie. The feedback I was getting from the two fighters was just great, it seemed to all come together, and all of this occuring on my parents front yard about 13 years ago. Perhaps one of these days I'll put the damned movie on DVD with special features and behind the scenes stuff.

It got me going through other tapes of projects I had done. Old shorts, videos and projects I had edited, really seeing how I've evolved as a moviemaker and how my passion for it all has never really gone away. It got me out of the rut I find myself in now with this current movie. I have certainly let go of the past to reach for my future, but in reflecting on the past I find myself steps closer to the future.

So far things are going as planned for this project. All snags and difficulties that I was expecting are occuring, but since I was expecting them, no biggie. This whole moviemaking journey is a heck of a trip.