Sometimes

it's tough to know what to blog about.  How honest should I be in a blog? I mean I'm certainly not one to go on and on about myself, and I do like my privacy.  There have been many tales that I've told where I have changed the names to protect the innocent and not so innocent.  Heck I don't want you to know EVERYTHING about me.

Today was great day, with some really hard spots.  Some tough things to ponder.  But it was all worth while because I was with my wife. My Juli. I couldn't live without her and don't ever want to. But I started out the day not feeling my best. More emotionally than physically. I know it was partially because yesterdays workout had really beat me up.  The rest of it was all because of others subjects that I don't really want to think about anymore, but I can't help it.

What's really disturbing about all this is that it makes it harder for me to concentrate on the things I want to concentrate on.  And that really pisses me off because I feel like I've got so much work to do and I'm facing some deadlines.

But that's just how it goes. Once you decide you're going to achieve a certain thing, the exact opposite has to appear to help define your situation of not having that thing. Makes the achievement even sweeter.

Wish I could say what this was all about, but all this best left on my mind and on my shoulders.  It'll workout, I hope soon.

In my pondering of such negativity, I find myself listening to alot of house progressive music while I play Bejeweled Blitz. The constant rhythm and the motions of matching and exploding cubes some how helps me process what I need to process.

I need to set up some sort of production site to get everyone on the same page of what's going on.  I've got a May deadline and a Feb 22nd deadline. I'm going to attempt to get alot done Thursday of this week, and I hope I can keep distractions at bay.

Some days are harder than others. Today, this is hard. Not too hard. But it still makes me feel like crap.

111th

His name was Abdul Baser Wasiqui. He was the only runner representing Afghanistan in Atlanta at the 1996 Olympics. His hamstring was injured before the race, but he ran anyway.

At the time, I was working on my first feature film. Vampire Killer.  I distinctly remember watching TV that day when the cameras caught a glimpse of this one lone man trying to finish a race that had  long ended for everyone else.

Soon everyone would take notice of the man who was about to finish dead last at 111th place. I watched as Abdul headed towards the finish line, at the stadium where workmen were already clearing out the area for the next events.  They noticed Abdul and quickly made a make shift finish line for him with some masking tape.  Everyone, including myself were in awe of him as he crossed the line and broke through the tape.

Bob Costas stated correctly, observing that although Abdul was finishing dead last, his determination to finish the race was the very essence of the spirit of the Olympic games. I was impressed by that. I identified with Abdul Baser Wasiqi. I was running my own marathon. Trying to finish my first feature film. Trying to reach my own cinematic finish line.

I was working at a video editing place at the time. I took my VHS copy of Abdul Baser Wasiqi I had recorded (yes I'm kind of an Olympics fan/nerd). We had a video deck that could print out pictures of a freeze frame from a video tape. I printed one out of Wasiqi crossing the finish line.  This image would always help me to remember that crossing your finish line, no matter what kind of a race you're running, it is possible.

And I think of him now. I think of the pain he endured. His struggle. The only man representing his country. Not the first to cross the finish line, but a winner nonetheless. Where so many others would have just given up, and probably did give up, he finished.  He finished.

I'm going through a bit of my own struggle right now. Trying to reach my finish line. It's hard. Yes, I've been through more difficult times, but it's still hard. Trying to get what's in your head out into reality.

I need to remember this. Remember this pain. Remember how it's all my own doing. Any trouble here is only my fault. And any success will be because of some very hard work. There are somethings going on right now, and it's up to me whether or not they're good or bad, or maybe even bad or AMAZING.  I'm working towards amazing.

Remember this pain. Remember that as hard as you work there is a part of this that is not up to you.  All you can do is your very best, and as much of it as you can.

If Abdul Baser Wasiqi can cross that finish line, so can we all.

I need to envision the greatest most amazingly brilliant out come possible, and make it happen.


Ok, this is going to sound crazy, but in the midsts of writing this blog, God just talked to me. He said only two words.

No blocking.



Ok, so the last part of this blog won't make any sense to anyone, but damn, everything just fell into place just now.